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The Rules of Dress

It’s a disgrace. I know stereotypes are a bad thing and labeling should be a way of the past, but really when you think of fashion experts do you usually award this title to a guy? Generally the answer is no, and everyone knows that besides male fashion designers typical males usually can’t even dress themselves let alone critique others. Every single one of my guy friends wears the same pair of shoes and pants everywhere we go, regardless of whether we are attending a concert, a party, or going to McDonalds. They have never heard the concept of not wearing black and brown together or even considered matching their belt to their shoes.

With all of this in mind imagine my surprise when one of my particularly hideously dressed guy friends began giving me a lesson on fashion. Interesting, especially considering I’m going to college on a full ride scholarship to get a degree in Fashion Marketing. Apparently that meant nothing to him as he proceeded to diss one of my favorite outfits. He himself has been known to wear outfits that would fall under the category of “creative” more than fashionable; actually ugly would be more an appropriate description.

After spending weeks noticing more than usual how blind guys are to such things as clothes I realized that my automatic judgment may not be quite right. One of my female friends has always had trouble putting clothes together, but it’s never really been a big issue with any of us in my group of friends. We’d just make fun of her, and her unique sense of style and continue on with our lives. Then one day it all came out in the open. She committed the biggest fashion crime that any woman on the face of this earth could possibly do. She wore open-toed sandals with nylons. Not just any nylons, but the particularly ugly ones that have a reinforced toe that draws unnatural attention again and again to the person’s feet. Worst still, she didn’t know that this was an unspoken rule.

These incidents along with other sights my eyes have been prone to see as of late stirred me into realizing the world needs some serious aid in the fashion department. So in order to educate the girls and boys of this world who are fashionably blind I made a small list of fashion ‘Do Nots’.

1.) In all circumstances possible avoid wearing black and brown together.

2.) Same as number 1, but with dark blue and black.

3.) Never wear two clothing items made of corduroy material. Such as a jacket and pants. It looks horrible.

4.) No flip-flops with socks. Yes I have actually seen people do this.

5.) You can wear white pants, but please, for the sake of humanity, know when too tight is just too tight.

6.) Do not wear a tie with a wife beater. No one wants to look like Avril Lavigne, so avoid it at all costs.

7.) Do not wear those mini purse backpacks. It is not 1993 anymore, let it go.

8.) Do not wear two different colors of jean together. This makes me physically ill, so if you ever do this and someone is ralphing in a garbage can next to you, it could very well be me.

9.) Do not wear the shirt of the band you are going to see. If you need a reason for this rule you need more help than this article can give you.

10.) Purposely let your thong hang out of your pants. We made a club at school over this issue. It was called the Scissors Club. Use your imagination.

11.) Do not wear all white K-Swiss shoes. Every time I walk down the street and see a guy wearing these I laugh. They are the ugliest shoes ever.

12.) If the sleeves of a shirt hang down past your waist, it probably isn’t practical, and most probably unsightly. So don’t wear it.

13.) If Britney Spears has worn it, don’t.

14.) If Lil’ Kim has worn it you would have to be crazy to consider wearing it. Stop reading this and go to therapy.

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE:

15.) If you feel stupid wearing it, you look stupid wearing it. Just because something is in “style” it doesn’t mean it’s your style.

Although my dream for the world is to have people dress with a hint of style I know not to expect too much. If only everyone in the world could follow these easy steps it would be such a beautiful place. Unfortunately, I know tomorrow I will wake up and at some point during my day I will probably see reinforced toes or those awful K-Swiss shoes. But a girl can always dream right?

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