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The Hold Steady – Almost Killed Me

If you want to kill somebody, listen to this CD. The Hold Steady Almost Killed Me will undoubtedly irritate you enough to cause you to commit many crimes that are widely



If you want to kill somebody, listen to this CD. The Hold Steady Almost Killed Me will undoubtedly irritate you enough to cause you to commit many crimes that are widely socially unacceptable. Murder, being one of them.

One question I asked myself whilst exposing my ears to such abhorrence was, “Who allows these people to exist?” But then I gave it a second thought and figured that it is not up to me or anyone else on this Earth to determine the reason and justification of any person or group of people. So then it was concluded that the question I should be asking is, “Who gave these guys a record deal?” Apparently, Frenchkiss Records. The evolution of music warrants many a bizarre and frightful sound and I am glad for the variety… However- this? No dice.

I shall now proceed to list in a clear and orderly manner of why I do not enjoy this album at all:

1. What is up with the whiny, whiny singing/talking?

2. The subject matter of these songs are so stream-of-consciousness and random that it makes very little sense, so you can’t even appreciate a decent message in the music. Not to mention, it totally looks and sounds like some guy ripped it out of a page from his rant-book because it’s all just complaining and run-on sentences. Either that or he was under some major influence while writing this. It worked for The Beatles and pretty much any rock and roll band from the 60s and 70s. Those days are over. It will not work for you.

3. There is a lame saxophone solo in track 7, “Hostile, Mass.” It sounds like an opening for Jay Leno or that other late night guy… Totally not befitting at all to whatever rock/punk sounds they’ve got. Or perhaps it’s reflecting how the movement from one subject matter to another is completely random and abrupt, much like a comedian… Nah.

4. The album cover design features vintage-ified black and white photos of all the “cool kids” at their parties drinking and smoking it up with their eyes artfully blocked out with a black bar. And some kid flips you the bird. Gee, these guys are so cool and badass. “OMGwe’resopunkrockandrollhardcore!”

5. The rhythm is lacking in some areas. The guitar solos are gratuitous and boring. The lyrics are redundant and uninteresting (“If she says we partied then I’m pretty sure we partied. I really don’t remember. I remember we departed from our bodies”). And did I mention that whiny, whiny singing/talking?

6. If by any chance this band gets big, the one factor that will ultimately make me lose all faith in the music industry is if this gets on the radio. Actually, I’ve said that before…

Alright then, consider me musically atheist.

(Frenchkiss Records)


The Ritualists – Painted People

The Ritualists play some determined, strong-willed music




After listening to Painted People by The Ritualists, I was very surprised to learn that this is their debut album. This band shows a maturity in their music that I would not expect from a first album and provides inspirational sounding tracks with ‘reach for the stars’ type of guitar riffs. I hear a modern version of U2 in The Ritualists, along with an influence of Radiohead. Their songs are full, wholehearted post-punk hooks with a lead singer that has a sizeable range.

“Rattles” opens the album, and it’s the type of song that shows their audience that they are here to stay. It has a great build-up of excitement and intensity. The band explains that this song is “A combination of dark, deep-pocketed verses juxtaposed with big, flashy choruses is a key element to tracks”.

Ice Flower” and “Worthiest One” welcomes an electronic wave to the album and showcases just how impressive lead singer Christian Dryden’s range is. His ability to hit those high notes with such conviction puts my falsetto abilities to shame. “Worthiest One” brings this sort of nostalgic feeling- it’s a rock ballad with a floaty guitar riff.

“She’s The Sun” is a great follow-on from “Worthiest One” as it transfers the mood upwards and directs the music into more of a hypnotic vision, which conveys “the band’s inner Sixties Love Child”. “I’m With The Painted People” has a really relatable background to the song. Dryden felt a larger than life inspiration from people like David Bowie and Simon Le Bon, these artists felt like soulmates, which can be lonely at times. It wasn’t until he ventured out into the clubs of the lower east side of New York which helped him feel comfortable to express his creative vision freely. The song is all about finding like-minded people.

There are hooks galore and catchy choruses in pretty much every song. “With this record, I’ve specifically tried to be anthemic,” admits Dryden. “I’ve always loved going to shows, where immediately after the performance, and even on the ensuing days after, you just can’t help but remember and sing the songs you’ve just heard. It’s almost like a higher form of communication.” The Ritualists play some determined, strong-willed music and Painted People shows hints of variations with different genres explored throughout. They sound motivated and in return have produced motivating music for their listeners.

(Out Of Line Music)

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The Decline – Flash Gordon Ramsay Street

What The Decline get absolutely spot-on is their clinical, unrelenting brand of skate punk



The Decline

It’s possible that since punk broke through to the mainstream in the mid to late ’90s, listeners outside of Australia think Frenzal Rhomb are the only band to have come from the lucky country. It’s true that during the rise of that Epitaph and Fat Wreck sound, Frenzal Rhomb became the namesake of the genre from Australia. However, Australian punks know that their history stretches long before the release of Survival of the Fattest. From the legendary sounds of The Saints to the rock n’ roll infused punk of Radio Birdman, Australia’s punk rock history is not only rich but very much precedes the genre’s mainstream explosion.

Frenzal Rhomb were another chapter in punk down under and for many, they opened a lot of doors. If not at the very least, proved that there were fertile grounds for new bands to emerge across the vast land. Western Australia’s The Decline formed in 2005 and quickly showed their talent for writing up-tempo melodicore that shred as much as it soared. From their 2010 debut, I’m Not Gonna Lie To You, it was clear that the band were equal parts snotty, urgent, funny, and melodic. Like the Frenzal Rhomb formula, they’ve got all of it in spades with a mean streak of Australianness that is both endearing and extremely relatable. Their latest album is no different.

From the title alone you can tell you’re in for a shedload of fun, and while it’s easy to think that Flash Gordon Ramsay Street is just goofy humor, it’s actually got a lot of pointed commentary too. From the animal-supportin’, veggie-lovin’, attack on meatlovers and meatheads (“Brovine”), to the real-estate market questioning “Smashed Avo”, there’s plenty of current talking points that The Decline run through. Sure, you also get vegan buffalo wing recipes (surprisingly, not the song titled “Bullet With Buffalo Wings”) and a love for The Legend of Zelda, but who says you can’t sing about Marxist theories while talking about your love for Nintendo?

What The Decline get absolutely spot-on is their clinical, unrelenting brand of skate punk; taking plenty of cues from the best of the NOFX / No Fun At All up-tempo, hardcore-derived brand of punk. The hooks on Flash Gordon Ramsey Street are as infectious as horny teens on spring break, highlighted by the endless harmonies on songs like the terrific “It Was Always You” and the call and response male-female vocal attack of “Verge Collection”. Brevity is also key, as the majority of the songs here never overstay their welcome with the longest clocking in at just 3:15 (the wistful closing of “Josh”).

Flash Gordon Ramsey Street is concise, to-the-point, and a furious medley of skate punk urgency that is relevant to young adult life as punks in Australia. Great production values to boot mean you can’t go wrong here.

(Pee Records / Thousand Islands Records / Disconnect Disconnect Records / Bearded Punk Records)

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