The Finals – Plan Your Getaway

Recipe: To Bake A Lame, Cliché, Ridiculously Plain Indie Emo Rock Group.


  1. Rip off a healthy dose of vintage Green Day guitar moves, to at least imitate some poseur punk flair. 
  2. Add a lackluster vocalist, trying ever so desperately to channel virtually every bad hard rock and post hard-core emo band lead singer in the history of music. 
  3. Toss in a pinch of bad, post-hard core screaming emo wannabe posturing, to try (and sadly fail) to appeal to a wide variety of genre lovers, which should hopefully guarantee your band mass success. 
  4. Take all of the aforementioned ingredients; and toss them in a big bag with some ridiculously loud guitars and bad mixing. 
  5. Let that concoction sit and stew for far longer than it should, and then pour it all out onto a cookie sheet. 
  6. Bake the mixture until it is bordering on being too badly polished to enjoy, and made by musicians far too under talented to even create music that enjoyable to begin with. 
  7. Once you can smell the stink coming quite strongly from your kitchen, and it’s almost to the point that the oven is shaking and bouncing wanting to get this garbage out of it, grab a pair of extra super duty oven mitts. But, before entering the kitchen, plug your ears and nose thoroughly before entering; then put on the oven mitts. 
  8. Now that you’re in the kitchen, and fully protected from the lack of talent oozing from this variety grab bag of half-hearted inspirations and sounds; open the oven, remove the tray, and let it cool for thirty to forty-five minutes. 
  9. Now that it’s cooled and ready for consumption, you’ll need to give it all a name. I recommend calling it The Finals, and if there’s music there, call it their mediocre debut full-length record Plan Your Getaway
  10. And that’s it; voila! Enjoy! (That is; if you can).

(Immortal Records)